The thighbone is connected to the MasterCard bone….

Remember all that “Princess And the Pea” saddle fitting from 2010? You know, the one where I tried saddle after saddle after saddle after saddle after, oh fuck just give me one that works, please dear god, I don’t care how much is costs!!

Yeah. That one. That cost me almost $4,000.

Well, turns out that it didn’t fit.

yeah.

Basically, the fitter (who shall remain nameless) is very nice person who is also an idiot. An idiot in the saddle fitting business for decades. An idiot who had to be shown some issues by my trainer before going, “ohhhh, I see now.” The idiot who told me to buy this saddle.

Here’s how this unfolds:

So Rico is in training with the trainer. Basically, we’re trying to learn german (Because I like the german dressage riders so much more than the Dutch – Isabell Werth over Anky any day) and having two non-speakers trying to teach each other = FAIL. So Trainer is riding Rico and teaching him words like “cat” and “run” and “straightness” and “thru” in german. In the hopes that when I climb on, he goes, “Hey Mom – this is how you say “cat” and this is what “straighness” feels like, oh and are you saying “thru?”" Its all good.

But in the process, as he’s developed muscles, his saddle started to pinch him. Which is NORMAL. Imagine you wearing a big old leather backpack while you’re working out at the gym, and not being able to adjust the fit even though you’ve developed pecks and gotten a smaller waist. It would suck. But like I said, this is why you have saddle fitters – they can adjust part of the saddle to make it wider or narrower or more padding or less padding. These people are trained (supposedly) to understand how the saddle’s position on the horse interferes or supports the movement of the shoulder and back and distributes the rider’s weight appropriately.

Given that Trainer and I already were concerned about my saddle Fitter’s ability to be effective when adjusting the saddle (meaning we had almost zero confidence based on the previous fitting and the comment Fitter made about, “I may have to send this back to the shop to get adjusted.” (its a custom, adjustable saddle – what the f#$% could you possibly need to do that you don’t have tools for in that big ass trailer you’re hauling around that says “Saddle Fitter” on it?), I started looking around for a fitter that serviced my brand of saddles and might be available to come here, or me there.

And lo, and behold, I found one in southern CA. who was coming through town in a few weeks. but it had to be on the hush hush because apparently, these folks aren’t allowed to work in other people’s territory, even though they work for the same people. WTF?

And I am freaked out because I am afraid I might have bought a saddle that will fundamentally not work with my horse’s physiology. Short back, big shoulder, wide barrell. So I asked, when New Fitter showed up if I could ride in some other saddles that might be useful. New Fitter was all, “Sure. No problem. You do have an issue with yours, but I think we can fix it, no big deal.”

So New Fitter lines up about 4 new saddles for me to try – all the same seat size as mine. By saddle #3, New Fitter and Trainer know something isn’t right. I can’t feel any damn thing because I’m all “I like this one” and they are both “We don’t. Your horse doesn’t move well in it.” and I’m all, “Really, it feels all light and airy in the front feet” and they are all “That’s because of the shape of the saddle, not because your horse is actually doing that.” Me: “Oh. bummer.”

Then New Fitter says, “I have an idea. Lets have you ride in yours – I’ll shim it to fit him (so you don’t ahve to pay for a fitting, if you decided to buy a different saddle) and lets see you go, and let you reset your “feel” for your saddle.” I’m game, so off we go. No big deal.

Then New Fitter brings out yet another saddle, and makes me ride in it. After a bit, I look over at New Fitter and Trainer. They are talking much. I am, of course, oblivious to what my horse is doing different. (boy, am I an awesome rider or what?)  So I walk Rico over to them and they look at me and say, “Your saddle is too small for you.”

What. The. Fuck.

Apparently, in trying new saddles, it was clear I was hitting the back part of the seat (think of it like hitting the back rest in a chair with your butt) and it was shutting down Rico’s ability to move over and thru his back. (this is very important in dressage – REALLY important if you want to do ANYTHING past 1st level in dressage). So New Fitter got the clever idea to grab a version of my current saddle, but one that was one size in the seat larger.

According to both New Fitter and Trainer, the change in the way my horse moved was REMARKABLE in the right size seat.

So lets recap:

• I shopped for a saddle for eons. I and my horse were fitted to one by a fancy smancy saddle Fitter. I spent THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS. LESS THAN TWO YEARS AGO.
• After being irritated by Fitter’s clear lack of understanding in last fitting, Trainer and I become flumoxed on how to adjust saddle.
• I called, begging and pleading a New Fitter. PLEASE help me, other Fitter SUCKS. OTherwise I MIGHT HAVE TO DIE.
• New Fitter arrives, stealth like.
• New Fitter says, yep, you need adjustment. Hold on there -  YOU BOUGHT THE WRONG SIZE SADDLE.
• I cry and hopes there is enough cabernet at the house.
• New Fitter cuts me a smoking deal on a new saddle, because CLEARLY I CAN NOT SPEAK GERMAN IN A SADDLE THAT IS TOO SMALL.
• Trainer says, “This explains ALOT. Like how I (Trainer is tiny whipcord and steel, wrapped in dark haired blue eyed package) could get your horse to do things, and then you got on and nadda. He could work for me because I fit in the saddle, he couldn’t work for you because the saddle was too small for you. “
• I pull out the MasterCard. The one with 32% interest.
• And lo’ a new saddle has been ordered.
• New Fitter leaves me 18 inch trial saddle on loan till my new saddle arrives THREE MONTHS FROM NOW.
• I love New Fitter. (who was appalled that Fitter put me in an even SMALLER one during the sizing process)

When I made some comment about needing “a fat girl upgrade” New Fitter immediately corrected me. New Fitter says “saddle fit is about length of thigh bone, not weight. Well, except in extreme cases is it about weight, but that is not even close to the case here – you have a very long thigh bone. That’s all. Don’t stress.”

Yes, I love New Fitter.

And now, so does MasterCard.

 

An Affair to Remember

The Joe&Pat show are in Thailand. Where conveniently my little brother and his girlfriend also happen to be.

Because, ya’ll there’s gonna be a wedding.

I won’t go into the sillyness of the scheduling process, but it pretty much meant I couldn’t go because of last minute info.

So tomorrow, Feb 1st, I get a new sister. Which frankly, sometimes is the only reason I enjoy having brothers because they can totally suck.

She’s very sweet, very quiet, and is very kind. And she’s Thai. Mom is so excited about how pretty the babies are going to look.

OH and here’s how the conversation went when I heard they were getting married last fall:

Mom: Well, guess what! Lek (the soon to be SILaw) is finally getting her visa to come live in Houston.

Me: Thats good. Jesse probably is missing her.

Mom: BUT the biggest news is that its a FIANCE visa!

Me: Whoa. So he’s gotta get married to her?

Mom: Yep, it expires in like 90 days if they aren’t married.

Me: Well that’s kinda crappy of BROTHERSEMPLOYER. Promise a Visa and then put those kind of strings.

Mom: Anyway, he said they will have the ceremony in Thailand while we’re there on vacation.

Me: Cool.

Mom: I know! I might actually get to see one of my children married!!! (note: older brother eloped.)

Me:

Mom: Isn’t this exciting?

Me: I’m just really excited about your positive attitude towards my marriage potential. I guess this was your last shot, hmm? Because there’s no way my daughter will ever get married….

Mom: Oh don’t be stupid. I didn’t mean it like that.

Me: No, I’m pretty sure you did – the statement was clearly made out of excitement at a hope that had been  extinguished. Its okay. I’ll live.

Mom: How did this become about you??

Me: Everything is about me. You should know that by now.

Mom: I do. I just hope, apparently in vain, that things might change.

Me: ha ha ha ha

Anyway, so I am excited because everyone is excited, and truly, my little brother doesn’t really “like” anything – i think its part of a defense mechanism, so to have him like someone enough to marry, this is big time stuff.

AND she’s cool.

VolunTOLD

Yeah, I’ve got this new assignment at work. Temporary, but here’s how the conversation went with the boss.

Boss: You’ve been so good at doing X, you’re being given a development opportunity for the next six months.

Me: Well, that sounds ominous.

Boss: Yeah, what is the worst possible assignment you can imagine.

Me: Well, either being forced to go live in rural Nevada or being forced to go work in Chicken Little with Chip on Shoulder department.

Boss: Good news. You get to stay here.

Me: <headdesk>

See – its either good people, bad location, or drama filed pissy people in a good location. Apparently, my “opportunity” is to work on my people skills.

Have I mentioned that I hate people?

So…. after the first meeting where my department was insulted, ridiculed, disparraged, and basically I was told “we don’t want you, we don’t need you, and you have no value to us” I took a few days off to spend with Mom and Dad.

And it was good.

Valley of Fire Hike

 

 

PHOTO BOMB (Dad didn't even notice) - Furnace Creek Inn - Death Valley National Park

the Cowboy survives his first day long Joe & Pat Show

Ya’ll Tomorrow is another day. Today was not as bad as last week. Apparently the natives might actually be able to temporarily remove shoulder chips, but who knows? All I know is that this assignment is gonna suck ass for the first month at least.

Oh, and the other crappy parts of my job – the ones I feel balance out the FUN and COOL factors? Yeah, I’m still having to do those. I can’t even ditch one Hoover type assignment for this new Dirt Devil one.

Sigh. more later. I still has Xmas photos, and more from the last trip to ‘Mento, and then I prolly owe you a post on the Cowboy and how I’ve totally become a cliche.

 

BRB….

Its my birfday week here at Miz Scarlett’s House of Chaos, and after taking Monday off for MLK day, I’m taking Thursday and Friday off because the best parents in the History Of The World are arriving to chill before heading overseas.

Good times will be had by all. And more importantly, I will not be at work. Which will be a lovely change, and a desperately needed break. Oh, the stories I could tell you…

Till then, here’s a little NOM NOM NOM from christmas.

B'Dawg supervises a triple word score in Alec Baldwin's Words With Friends

 

p.s. for those of you detail oriented kiddos paying attention, yes, that is a Jane Austen mug in the background.

BlackBlurry

 I have been remiss in posting. Basically, I have been busier than i don’t know what metaphor to insert here but BUSY. FREAKING BUSY.

In previous posts you see I was in Denver and then Northern Nevada (the land with limited gasoline).

Then the week of Thanksgiving, I went to Sacramento for business meetings. Yeah, the week of Thanksgiving. WTF? But I went. And it was lovely – the trees in ‘Mento were at full peak and it was just really nice to walk around and enjoy a place that has “fall.” California is whack, yo. And not in the fun fingernail polish sniffing way. I just have to shake my head and thats all I can say about that.

Sacramento (Capital of the Alternative Universe)

The airport in Mento had just opened a new terminal – and one of the centerpeices in said terminal is this really cool light fixture:

 

cool chandelier thinging in Sacramento Airport - new terminal

I can not help but wonder WHY they didn’t try to camofluage the supporting braces and chains better? Because its really really pretty till you see metal bands around it. Disappointing. But I still want one.

Then I went to Carson City. Twice in one week, with one over night stay. But yeah.  I wasn’t sure I if I was coming or going at that point. I think I spent more time at the airport than my house.

And then the Cowboy had me up at the ranch in Utah his friend owns. The Cowboy was deep frying a turkey. And yes, he really is a cowboy. See below:

 

Denim the Dog and The Cowboy

That’s a blue heeler. And let me assure you, he’s watching the NFR (National Finals Rodeo) on satellite. Which he watched every. single. night. it was in town. Ten days of cows, horses, and all that implies. I learned things. Against my better judgement, I learned things.

 

The Ranch in Utah

But the Ranch is lovely, and it was nice to get away, even if it were a bit “brisk” and the Cowboys is both a cover stealer and a bed hog. This was the trip where he learned, “If she’s up and dressed before I am, its not going to be a good day.”

 

Cause he likes to see out the window.

And on the drive back, just this side of the Virgin Narrows on I-15, you can see the B-dawg, who enjoyed chilling with the ranch dogs and getting to run around and be silly. He slept pretty much the whole way home, which was a nice change.

 

I’ll have christmas photos up soon. Perhaps by easter. Hope you all have a lovely holiday season and don’t party too hard on New Years!

 

On a dark desert highway…

So. Yeah. Where to start.

Between Winnemucca and Battle Mountain, NV

No one really WANTS a coal plant in their back yard. Fortunately, there’s a LOT Of empty space in Nevada. In one such location, there is a coal power plant. I was there last week. With a head cold. Teaching Sharepoint. Love the people, hate trying to get there. Because it either involves directly DRIVING from Las Vegas for 7 hours. Through deserted desert.

OR you can fly to Reno, and then rent you a car and drive the three hours east.

Ya’ll, I gotta say. Sumbitches must have REALLY wanted to get to California because between the Mohave and the Great Basin deserts, this little pioneer would have turned her happy little ass back around and stayed in Denver. Or St. Louis.

Rental Car agency gave me a Jeep Compass. Funny enough, this is what I got in Seattle last month when jetting up for the day for the cousin’s wedding. Here is photo of said vehicle:

Jeep Compass POS model

For those of you keeping score, yes, this would be an SUV. With the typical shitty gas mileage that one gets with an American SUV.  Mother frakers claim that some of the models get 27-29 MPG highway. The MFs LIE. Or I had a four wheel drive version, which is possible because it is ski country and ski season in reno. Regardless, you’d think that it would have more than a 13.8 Gallon fuel tank. Alas, poor Yorrick….

So there’s a stretch of Interstate 80 where there is 60 miles between gas stations. Do you see where I am going with this yet? So while I left the plant, some 200 miles from the airport, with half a tank of gas, I failed to recognize the conseqences of my decision at the time. It was pretty. I had satellite radio. I was sick.

And I might have been screwing around on the drive….

So you can imagine my horror when I was about 20 miles PAST the last gas station when the gas light came on. With 40 miles to go to the next one. There were lots and lots of bad words.

 

I made it. Almost. Less than two miles to the gas station in Fernley, NV, my engine died and I coasted off to the side of interstate 80. It was about 38 degrees outside and dark. As I picked up the cell phone to call the rental car company (holy crap, it costs 70$ for them to bring you gasoline. WTF? So much for that “corporate agreement” contract bullshit.), a noticed a pick up truck on the dirt service road off to my right. A man hopped out, waded throug sagebrush, climbed the barbed wire fence and walked over to my car, where semi’s were wailing past me at 80+ mph. He wanted to make sure I was OK. (And perhaps kill me?)

 

Anyway, he told me he worked just up the road, and not to worry – he’d run up and get me some gas and be back in about 15 minutes. And he did. (Note: I did make my boss stay on the phone with me the whole while, and gave him a thorough description of rescuer and his truck incase i “disappeared”). My Hero brought back a 5 gallon can of gas, and proceeded to fill my tank (which was on the highway side of the car). He wouldn’t take any money, and I made sure to get his name and give him my business card. He texted me the next day to make sure I got home ok. So, George Hamilton, outside of Fernley, NV – you are a rock star. I made my flight, and was none the worse for wear because of my own stupidity.

 

There are good people out there, folks. It was so nice to be reminded.

 

 

Oh hi, how you doing?

Wow. been busy. Much.

Pony update over at his blog. Needless to say, things have sucked there.

Meanwhile, back in the mundane world, I just got back from a bidnez trip to Denver.

SNOW! YAY!

Where I was trapped for 36+ hours with 10 female coworkers. Traveling with that many women? means NO PRIVACY EVER. Because you can’t even go pee by yourself. And Lillith had booked the entire trip down to the gnat’s ass of a second, so I was EXTREMELY anti-people when I got home. GRRR. (and I left after having the vet take off half of Rico’s face, so I was already in a bad bad place.)

BUT I busted loose from that gaggle of estrogen and got away to have a two hour (non-alcoholic, sadly) lunch with Mile High Pixie! Best. Part. Of. The. Whole. Trip. We talked non-stop about all the things that were OMG about our lives and it was GOOD. We needed at least another three hours. And wine. Or margaritas. So it was with much sadness I returned to the flock o’hens on our return to the airport. (which is so far east of town, I think its in Kansas, by the way.)

THEN on Saturday, I watched Georgia Tech not just win against Clemson, but beat them soundly. (Where the hell was that team against Virginia and Miami????) As Dr. Leenda and I had a bet on the game, I was even MORE excited to receive my loot this week:

Half of the Stash

That’s right. Best gal ever, graciously honored the bet and shipped me a CASE of good wine. I partook of some last night. And it was really good, especially with cheese. And it makes for bad headaches the next day. So thank you, gal. I’m sorry your team lost. But not really.

 

I think I missed Halloween in here somewhere. I was working late, and then had to doctor the Holey Headed Horse. Oh well.

 

Its been crazy at work, and crazy at home. And crazy in the airport. And just crazy. And this is what keeps me sane:

My B-Dawg

How can you not love that face???

Hope ya’ll are good. More later.

Management by Bestseller

So we have this boss here at Electrons R Us …. He’s a super nice guy, and that’s usually the first thing someone says about him – but its usually in response to some frustration he’s caused another person. As if being a “super nice guy” absolves you from being borderline incompetent. And by “borderline” I mean he sits in the Land of Incompetence most days, and only occasionally ventures across the border to where the rest of live where we actually have to accomplish shit for a living in order to get paid. But he’s up several levels in management, so there you go. Dilbert Principle alive and well.

He really is a nice guy. I’ve worked for extremely competent assholes, and I have to say I prefer (to a certain extent) the kindler, gentler, less/uneffective alternative. But sometimes, I just want to strangle the guy and scream at him for failing to actually lead:  make difficult decisions and directly deal with issues that require confrontation.  Nice Guy has other quirks too, but today, I will share with you my favorite.

Nice Guy has a tendancy towards buzz words and catch phrases. Its so bad, I’m not sure if we forbid him from using them, he could actually speak. I have a running list on my black berry that I update every time I’m in a meeting with him, and I will share the current version with you now. Remember, all of these phrases have not been used just once – they have become legend in the company. In meetings, I like to keep a running tally of  how often each one is used. And last month, I swear to you, he talked for about 5 minutes at the end of a meeting, and dropped about a dozen of these. My boss and I were about to fall off our chairs we were trying not to laugh so hard.

Circle the wagons  (Yes, I am not kidding. This one gets used OFTEN. I think its a metaphor for the fact that we’re so busy circling wagons, we never make any progress. I suppose I could freaking him out by telling him he’s clearly racist against Native Americans?)

Pull the trigger

Lay it down/on the table

Cool  (You need to hear it in a hippy dippy kind of tone – except as if it were done by an engineer trying to be hippy)

Groovy (See above)

Under the radar

Macro / macro level

The Mission going forward  (omg, I just threw up a little. i wish I could self destruct myself out of the meeting when I hear this)

Handshaking (I always hear this and think : we’re gonna need ALOT of Purel)

Holistic (This is currently his favorite – last meeting – 13 times used. And I will note that he does use it correctly!)

Rocking and Rolling (See “cool” above)

Get some momentum (Momentum doesn’t get you shit when you’re just going in a circle, dude. I’m just saying.)

Blah blah blah blah (Yes, that’s literal. Its like “Yadda Yadda Yadda” from Seinfield but not as cool. Or as clever. I believe its used to cover up a short coming of actual knowledge of the information at hand.)

Blast through

Seance (This one is fairly new – perhaps in honor of halloween? He uses it in weird context too – as if we’re going to have ask dead people for help)

Shoot the shit

Grind through / Grind on (This one is one of my favorites – the first meeting he used it, he was on the third repeat and said we would have to “grind on this with Company X” and I turned to my other snarky engineering bud and said, “I’ve seen Him and His Employee with X. I’m not grinding on them.” and Snark said, “Yeah, especially without them buying lunch first.”)

Handholder /SuperHandholder (WTF? Super hand holder?)

Man (See “cool” above)

Dude (See “cool” above)

Coom Bi Yah  (Sigh)

(Drive) through the chute  (We circle wagons, we pull triggers, and we drive through chutes. Failed dream of being a cowboy??)

Keep cranking  (We crank AND we grind. I hope everyone got their shots and has latex handy!)

Oujoui board (Perhaps to help with the Seance? Also, dude – this is Mormon country. I’m not sure using this metaphor is actually helpful? Again, another one that makes me wonder voices he’s hearing on a regular basis)

Plans of attack

White Paper (This is an ongoing groaner – when ever NG recognizes he knows NOTHING about the task he’s been given, his first order of business is to find someone who DOES know and ask them to write a white paper so he can learn all about it. This has happened to me several times. I have yet to execute, choosing to follow the Beetlejuice Rule of Managing Managers)

Bulls eye

Bucket (Apparently he prefers to sort shit and responsibilities into buckets. OK. Acceptible metaphor. Just quit beating on  it so long you have to have a seance to get the bucket back.)

Train wreck (This started as a description of the environmental regulatory forecast – and he loves it. To the point where its becoming something he latches on to in a conversation because he actually *understands* it, unlike so many other things.)

Food for thought

Plan of Attack (we do lots of planning and very little attacking in our circle of wagons.)

Conceptual scope (Excuse me, I have to stop here - what the f$#%^ exactly is “conceptual scope.” Oh, that’s right – code for “I have no idea how to get started so lets lay out a conceptual scope for a plan of attack. ” Christ Almighty.)

Straw man (Yes, you are. Not unlike the character from Oz)

Ya’ll its so bad, I would make a drinking game out of it, but we don’t have glasses big enough to get us through a half hour meeting. So instead, I’ve built a spreadsheet that randomizes these phrases into a matrix resembling a bingo card. At some point in the not too distant future, I am going to print them out and pass them out, complete with a prize for the bingo winners.

Till then, here are a couple of photos (taken with my BB because I’m an idiot and forgot the real camera) from a trip I took recently to go look for fall foliage with Punkin and Kimmie, and my Cowboy (more on The Cowboy later). Oh, and I did a quick trip to Seattle (as in, I spent more time flying up and back than actually in the Emerald City) for my cousin’s wedding. It was beautiful, she was so happy, and I cried.

Yankee Meadows in Utah - potential camping spot of the future...

 

Cedar Breaks - no color left here, just 2ft of early season snow!

(Cedar Breaks was where we camped last July – This was taken in early October – it was a goreous day up there – about 36F and no breeze. The snow sparkled.)

 

Innovation, Inspiration, Intuition… The End of an Era

taking a moment to acknowledge the passing of perhaps one of the greatest men in several lifetimes… I think when history looks back, he’s going to be listed in the company of people like Newton, Galileo, Da Vinci, and Edison.

Steve Jobs shaped the way we interfaced with computers, the way we allowed ourselves to express ourselves, and brought the personal computer interface to non-technical people.

He touched millions and created paradigms on top of paradigms.

He was, for lack of better words, fucking brilliant.

And at 56, he’s gone. He burned bright, he burned gloriously, and he burned fast.

Go well, Steve. May your journey thrive.

-Written on an iPad2.

Impulse buys…

Theres a reason why I don’t like walmart. They just have too much shit in that place that I might possibily some day find a use for and its so affordable and why not just put it in the cart?

Sigh.

I was picking up some things (including a fridge for the tack room) this weekend, and one of them was a present for a coworker whose birthday is coming up. She has an ipad so I picked up an accessory for her that I adore. But while I was in the electronics section, I wandered (BAD) through the CD racks and picked up a sale on Eric Church…

And I am now a Fan. This is the title cut off of the CD I bought. And it made me smile. I miss you guys.